How to ask for what you want (and need!)

I’m wondering how I should start this post…

Maybe how I started one of my last ones by talking about how my inspiration came from two different sources. Or maybe focus on how timid people are. Or how we don’t know how to speak up for ourselves. Or maybe take the business approach and talk about how we should be selling ourselves as products.

You know what? None of it feels right. Sure, all of that can make sense in different contexts. And I am sure you could add to the list. However, I think we should just start at the beginning and go from there…

So why are we unable to ask for what we want and need?

Can we chalk it all up to fear?

Or maybe it is something else. Maybe it has something to do with clearly defining your wants and needs. And then owning up to them. Meaning that we need to fully own our wants and needs and recognize them as fully our own.

Maybe asking for what you want and need has more to do with YOU and less to do with THEM. Them being the world at large.

And maybe the world doesn’t really owe you anything. However, it can provide you with all you want and need.

That maybe your wants and needs exist for a reason, and that they are the natural order of things.

This is all conjecture and just scratches the surface of the beginning. You really just want to skip to the end right? Get to the point where I tell you how to ask for what you want and need?

Well I think you are right for wanting that! Thanks for asking! 😉

The point is that everything else doesn’t matter…

“You only get what you ask for”

How to ask for what you want and need…

  1. Own your wants and needs.
  2. Get rid of wants and needs you don’t own. Profound I know… think about it…
  3. Open your mouth and let the world know your wants and needs.
  4. Observe how the world responds. Sometimes you get what you want and need, sometimes you don’t
  5. If you get what you want and need, give thanks for your success. If not, try again elsewhere.
  6. If you keep trying and failing, ask yourself if it’s something you truly want and need. (maybe you owned it once, but you don’t own it anymore)
  7. Recognize that some wants and needs can not co-exist together. (Can you ever really have your cake and eat it too?)
  8. Reach a place of contentment in your life where your wants and needs are either satisfied or dropped as you go. (Can’t win them all right?)

And now I leave you with a wonderful lyric from a wonderful song from a wonderful band…

“You cant always get what you want…
You cant always get what you want…
You cant always get what you want…
But if you try sometimes… you just might find…
You get what you need!”

20 thoughts on “How to ask for what you want (and need!)”

  1. Great post Jeremy! Very close to how I try to live.

    If I could add a couple of thoughts.

    In point 7 I would agree, but only if I see my needs and wants as time bound. I can have my cake and I can eat my cake – just not in the same moment. If I get attached to WHEN I want something then I’m likely to get disappointed often.

    The other thing I’d add is that we are part of a complex human web of relationships and not to lose sight that my needs and wants interact with those of other people. The more I keep this in the front of my mind, the more likely we all are to get our needs met. Provided we can develop the skills of communicating what they are (expressing mine and hearing those of others).
    .-= Ian | Quantum Learning´s last blog ..Family values =-.

  2. Still gathering courage to ask for what I want. It’s a process but I see improvement. I know I have to in order to become successful.

  3. Very good article, I liked this point “Open your mouth and let the world know your wants and needs” this is what my problem. I never ask to anyone what i need.

  4. You are 100% right. I mean that sometimes it is difficult to ask for something, even if that is not something extraordinary. There is no doubt that we face different personalities and our asks could be understood in a way that we don’t want to. And that is why sometimes fear and stress comes in the way. Your advices could be the first step for any timid person that is not aware of its own needs and wants. There is also someone who need help in that matter. I think we all one were in a moment of life where our own needs were something abstract.

  5. Yeah if you know what it is you actually want, you increase your chances of getting what you want substantially for sure. Because if you are always asking for the minute things… then you’re bigger things that you want and desire you might not get.

    One thing that helps… if you are trying to get something from someone… if you’ve always been helpful and have given them gifts, it will be much easier to get what you want from them.

    Till then,


  6. Apologize for my bad english, I deliberate on its a winsome vent one’s spleen of your writing. Kind-heartedly I obtain faced alot of difficulties in this train but your article determination definately escape me in future. Thank You

  7. It seems like they should choose some and give some feedback for asking don’t you think? I know it is often difficult to pick BA and sometimes none answer the question to their satisfaction …… but almost all the questions? I just wonder if the asker is considering the answers or just asking a bunch of questions.

  8. Just wanted to add another note, I read a book called “How to Persuade People Who Don’t Want to be Persuaded: Get What You Want-Every Time!” it was written by Joel Bauer, it was a decent book, got some take away from it, would recommend it to someone who is looking for a different way to persuade others.

    Till then,


  9. Interesting post. I am one of those people who would usually not ask for what I want. I am happy when I do get these things, but I try to let it bug me when I can’t get what I want. Hopefully these tips help me change my ways.

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