Is it true or untrue? Is beauty a curse or a blessing?
“Don’t hate me because I am beautiful”
That statement has certainly made it through the years. Most of us in the US know it, but have no idea where it comes from (supposedly a Pantene Pro-V shampoo commercial).
Does our jealousy of other people’s beauty make us hate them? I would say that sadly there is some truth to this.
Nearly everyone thinks everyone else is more superficial then they are. Yet when we look in the mirror what do we see? We see ourselves on some sliding scale with a rank based on how we compare to someone elses beauty among other things.
We put some type of perceived importance on beauty. Often making assumptions about how many guys or girls they can date, or how great a job they got because they are good looking. While these may be true there is certainly a down side.
Girls can’t find a guy who will like them in more than a superficial way and they are constantly getting hit on. Guys may win the top dog position at work, but everyone thinks they are a jerk. It’s lonely at the top.
And it is certainly isn’t true in all circumstances, but it happens enough to make us wonder about it and to take notice.
I am writing from a guy’s perspective but it seems like women have it a lot worse. Our society makes it so.
Have you ever seen the movie Mean Girls? Well if you have you know what I mean. If you haven’t just understand that girls will do things to their supposed friends that guys can’t even fathom. Guys go fight in the street when they have a problem but girls rip each other’s still beating hearts out of their chests. One can also argue that guys have a problem with each other only once in a great while, but girls let things build to astronomical proportions over time.
What does this have to do with beauty?
I’ve seen girls gossip about and backstab their friends because they thought they were hitting on their guy. Even among friends they still play the “who is more beautiful” game.
Not to mention the expectations our society sets up for beautiful people. Now be honest. Do we not have high expectations for beautiful people? Don’t we expect them to go far? And for ugly people? Do we expect much at all from them? Or do we not even give them the time of day to even begin to develop any expectations of them?
While expectations can be good I think they are mostly evil because they are false. I don’t know about you, but I would rather have people have no expectations of me, rather than have high expectations that I can not fulfill. That’s a perfect recipe for a stressed out life.
On the flip side, people may also have low expectations of a beautiful person because they are beautiful and they may not get opportunities to improve themselves. Their intelligence wasted because beauty got in the way. Food for thought…
But I digress… what are your thoughts? What is your take on this curse, or blessing? Would you be more beautiful if you could, taking all that comes with it?
Hi Jeremy,
Hmmmm. Very thought provoking.
I remember a show on Oprah where a sister (who was the “ugly duckling” – though by no means was she ugly) stated how her “beautiful”mother and sister were having problems dealing with aging as they had gotten so far in life on their looks alone. She, in the mean while, wasn’t bothered by aging at all as she has gotten through life based on her intelligence and street smarts.
I’d rather be the ugly duckling and have something to fall back on when the going gets tough. Plus, beauty is truly on the inside. We just have to take the time to look.
.-= Barbara Swafford´s last blog ..Do “They” Have The Right To Know =-.
Hi Jeremy. I agree with Barbara, this is thought-provoking. I’m the ugly duckling of my family. But I’ve grown to not dwell on it anymore. I don’t judge myself as harshly as I used to. Sometimes I wish I could be more beautiful, but then I think in the same token, people would still judge the exterior. Deep down, we all just want to be accepted for who we are on the inside. And I kinda like the inside me.
.-= Davina´s last blog ..365 Days & Still Blogging =-.
Hello Jeremy…what a thought-provoking post. I am one of the okay-looking people somewhere in the middle of that scale. I have always been more to see what is inside a person, though, and appreciate others who do the same: accept and respect the whole package.
One thing this post immediately brought to mind that ALL physically people should be aware of…keep it in perspective. I can remember my sister-in-law once telling me in all sincerity: It is sooo hard being this pretty.
Um, I wanted to slap her lol. Not really, but I did roll my eyes…on the inside. And yes, she truly is physically beautiful. I also remember a graphic I saw online once of an exquisitely beautiful woman. On it was printed the following: Somewhere, someone is sick of even HER S$it.
Again, great post.
Nice post. I definitely think that women have it much tougher in society. I remember having this conversation with several people. It’s not uncommon to see a really hot girl with an average guy, but you never see the reverse, so women are definitely much more challenged with overcoming superficial snap judgments we make as men, just based on looks.
.-= Srinivas Rao´s last blog ..Would you let anybody else talk to you to like that? =-.
Jeremy. Interesting topic!
We’ve grown a society that often seems to value the superficial over the deep. Not just with beauty but with many things. I read ‘Blink’ recently and apparently one of the main criteria to become a CEO of a large corporation is how tall you are (it helps to be male as well!). Crazy! But we ascribe characteristics to people based on very cursory and shallow criteria.
And beauty is no exception – even though it’s impossible to agree on any criteria for what makes someone ‘beautiful’. We all are!
.-= Ian | Quantum Learning´s last blog ..Heart of business =-.
@ Ian – I read Blink too. It really is crazy some of the research they come out with. And actually they did do research on the criteria to be beautiful. It has a lot to do with being well proportioned. It was some study using babies and it measured how long they stared at certain people. Presumably a baby will stare at a beautiful adult longer than a lot so beautiful one. Sorry I am vague on the details but I know the research is out there.
@ Srinivas – Good point!
@ Karen – Glad you liked it! I like that last line too. I believe in equality. One person’s life isn’t necessarily better just because they have a beauty advantage or some other advantage. Your life is what you make it.
@ Davina – The inside is more important than the outside. And a beautiful exterior often helps to create an ugly interior. However, a not so pretty person who is jaded or has a chip on their shoulder is not helping their interiors look good either. Again, life is what you make it, and you can choose happiness regardless of the hand life has dealt you.
@ Barbara – So true, so true. That is a great story! I like having the well rounded approach to life as well.
Cheers,
Jeremy
I’ve noticed that beautiful woman are not necessarily happier, maybe even less happy than their less attractive friends. Yeah, its nice to get attention, but that’s only temporary. First, u have guys mostly *** holes who have low self esteem attracted to you and date u to bring up their self esteem, Second you have unattractive girls jealous of you all the time, hating you because you are beautiful and third, its hard to find somone who really doesn’t want a trophy wife, but loves you for who you are.
So in my opionion being a beautiful woman can be curse.
.-= My Best Carpet Cleaners´s last blog ..Carpet cleaning- not a tricky task =-.
This is an interesting topic in deed. First I’ll say as a child I was the “ugly duckling”. However as I matured the funny looking little girl vanished and I turned in to a beautifully curvy young woman, almost overnight. I lost every friend I had. Dating was hard because most guys only saw the outside and had no idea I had a brain too. I was always the “trophy” arm piece, and have had the worst time ever holding on to female friends. Women not only dislike me on sight, but they hate me and always shut me out of the “click”.
Beauty can be a curse like you wouldn’t believe…..
Everything depends of what we used to think of the “beauty” definition. I see the real beauty as the whole, and it doesn’t concern about nowadays fashions and popular styles. So in last 30-40 years to maximum slimeness is popular, but in 10 years this fasion will end. We like faces that are similar to children faces – that is evolutionary thing. But it doesn’t mean that other faces are not beautiful. For me everyone can be beautiful – especially women just need to know that they are beautiful the way they are.
.-= bajki dla dzieci´s last blog ..Bolek I Lolek – Król Puszczy =-.
Yes, its definitely a part of the culture… But its also part of every culture. Its been known that the native cultures of an African country rubbed animal fat on their faces to keep it moisturized and more youthful looking, when they could have used the animal fat for other more practical things…
-Ben
Now this is a really tough issue to discuss, there could be so many different approaches and views on this… I think in the end… whether you are beautiful or ugly… or in between. It just depends on the person. There are some people in this world that are not meant to be beautiful, as in they don’t have the mentality to do it, just like there are some people that don’t have the mentality to be ugly. I think like anything in life, it’s all about the mental approach. I am not sure if you understand what I mean…. but that’s how I see it.
Till then,
Jean
I’ve noticed that beautiful woman are not necessarily happier, maybe even less happy than their less attractive friends. Yeah, its nice to get attention, but that’s only temporary.
.-= Home made hands job´s last blog ..Know the facts before buying Jewelry =-.
Consider an unattractive woman… they draw far less of a crowd to choose from, but there’s a good chance they at least know a good guy when they see one.
.-= Home made hands job´s last blog ..Know the facts before buying Jewelry =-.
People can precieve you has being stuck up, self-centered, unintelligent, shallow, they won’t talk to you because they don’t feel good enough, if you’re really beautiful guys won’t approach you, etc…..
.-= Home made hands job´s last blog ..Know the facts before buying Jewelry =-.
As a 41 year-old woman, I must say being attractive is hard, and can feel like a curse most of the time. I was teased and taunted as I young teen because of my looks, and then around 13 things changed, and every since I’ve had a hard time with females. I even left my church somewhat because the “saved women” there didn’t act any better, and I never felt welcomed or was invited inside of groups. What people don’t realize that just like unattractive people, we can’t help our looks and were born with them. Take the time to get to know the REAL person behind the looks. I have one girlfriend of 25 years, because women hate me on site, and never get to know me, even family members keep me at a distance. Life is good for me, have a wonderful husband and children, but would love to have had more friends in my life…the “curse” of beauty is very real..
I have looked up this blog because I am crying right now and have done for as long as I can remember. I was bullied and beaten since I was ten years old and also received sexually inappropriate attention from males since about age 9. Yes 9.
I can’t keep female friends, they always accuse me of sleeping with their boyfriends when they know darn well I didn’t.
I can’t keep a boyfriend because if I don’t have sex straight away they see me as a liability, but nevertheless tell the whole neighborhood that we did it anyway so they will look good.
I have even had to remove my children from their sports teams because I had a mental breakdown once I was accused of sleeping with their coach for christ sakes.
What is ironic, is that I haven’t had sex in 5 years because I desperately want respect from both women and men, but this doesn’t change the fact that they will always perceive me as a sex goddess simply because BEAUTY IS A CURSE.
Even family members (female ones) tried to destroy my childhood (and succeeded).
Mums boyfriends tried it on, married men try it on, even lecturers at college tried it on (female and male)!
You would not believe how lonely my life is, and how decent my character actually is, but I even get asked if I would have sex for money from men. The other day I took my son to the doctor and HE even asked if I was single during a CONSULTATION.
I hate my life, but I can’t kill myself because then my kids will have no one.
jen, i feel sorry for you, i really do, because i know houw you feel. it is true if your beautiful people either want to take advantage of you and want to destroy you. no wonder alot of beautiful people are quiet and tend to not have friends. but always know you are not alone there is alot of people out there like you.